never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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