I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Randomize
