the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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