yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
