tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize