I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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