the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
