I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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