I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
