i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
