So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
