If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
