can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
