A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
