Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(757): View more from Virginia

I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?

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(469): View more from Texas

In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.

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(+61): View more from Australia

Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.

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(910): View more from North Carolina

shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.

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(423): View more from Tennessee

All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.

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(906): View more from Michigan

As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back

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(770): View more from Georgia

Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.

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(773): View more from Illinois

She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.

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(920): View more from Wisconsin

She started crying because the Rugrats grew up

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