A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
