the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
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