It's a beautiful day for a hangover
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
