I hate all girls vehemently.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Sorry about my life...
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
