and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I think people are normalizing furries
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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