I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
sex in a hospital.. check
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
