my mouth tastes like poor choices
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
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