If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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