just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
