wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
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she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
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