help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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