I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize
