I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
