there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize