I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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