I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
