hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
