On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Randomize
