yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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