Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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