i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
and you fell through a lawn chair
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
