do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
