Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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