I love black thongs
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Randomize
