i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
