So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
