well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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