I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
