i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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