I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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