I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
