i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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