smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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