You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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