i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
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