God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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