Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
