At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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