can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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