Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
