Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I licked your asshole in confidence.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
