so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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