is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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