i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
