i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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